A couple of weekends ago I experienced what it was like to be a part of a video created for an upcoming children's ministries event http://www.blownawayconference.ca/. My nerves were a little rattled, but quickly put at ease by the pros who helped me learn the ropes of being on camera. They explained that the video would be broken down into short clips with some fancy editing, cool camera angles, and music to make it all flow. I soon appreciated the freedom that came within the boundaries of that setting. If I said something semi-profound it was captured for future use, because the camera was still rolling. If I said something heretical or tripped over my words...no worries, just say it again and better. It's a little freeing for the internal perfectionist in me who sometimes trips up over her own thoughts mid-sentence. It's not often due to a lack of direction that I'm sometimes hesitant in stating my case; rather it's out of an insecurity of being misunderstood or unheard. These haunting notions are occasionally brought on by reminders of harsh reprimands from long ago. Reprimands that came verbally or subliminally for voicing an unpopular opinion or challenging the status quo. Statements that were overlooked or dismissed (dare I even say it now...) because they came from the voice of a soprano. This is the luggage we carry with us on our journey, which can paralyze us mid-stride if we're not careful. I now recognize it as pointless fear. The leftovers of experience rears its head in unsuspecting places, and then cower when the Truth hits it like bright lights next to the camera lens.
After this weekend I find myself absolutely grateful for the way that God sees my life, versus the way I've been interpreting it. I've been seeing every step as a 'get it right on the first try' commitment, rather than the fact the camera just keeps on rolling and so must I. Some days I do something really profound and see the ripple effect for years to come. Other days I make bone-head mistakes and want to wallow in the mud of my own disappointments. But I hear the voice of the Creative Editor saying, "Just re-do it" as He gives opportunity for a second more wiser take on life. Some footage will never make it on the playback reel in heaven, but it was those 'takes' that help the keeper moments rise to the top.
He's a gracious Father in heaven. None of our weaknesses or strengths are hidden from Him. He keeps an account of ALL our days for the bigger picture, and starting over gives Him greater glory in the end.
Why not just start again?
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