The Life Within Me

I'm sitting at my desk and working hard to get all I have to accomplish done for family & children's ministries this week at our church. Meanwhile I have a precious little baby growing inside of me who is making his/her presence known in my body more and more each day! In fact this baby has been kicking me for the past 20 minutes straight, which is making me start to feel hungry and begging me to ask this question to my unborn child: "Yes? May I help you with something?"

Being pregnant and being in ministry is a fun combination. I'm sure other moms will testify that the months prior to a baby being born are both exhausting and exhilirating! I'm currently heading into my third trimester and I'm quite aware of the "nesting" that is happening both at work and at home. Suddenly I can see every crack in the wall of the preschool room at church, and find myself going through paint chips for the church nursery and our new child's room at the same time. At work every flaw in our children's programming feels gigantic, and I have this sometimes overwhelming feeling that I need to re-vamp our entire children's ministry program...just because. Don't get me wrong, I'm very aware that in less than three months I'll be leaving my post in the capable hands of someone else, and will simply have to 'let it go' until I return from my maternity leave. But it's a reminder that having "life" growing inside of you, makes you do EXTREME things.

Last week I realized that there is a part of me that feels invinceable when I'm pregnant. Afterall, if my body is made capable of nurturing, growing and sustaining a whole other life inside of me while I continue to function as a spouse, mother, pastor and friend...what CAN'T I accomplish?! Or so I reason. It's a strange 'I am woman, hear me roar' kind of feeling to say the least, but the life within me makes me feel strong and excited. Although at times I forget that I'm wearing elasticized pants and baggy shirts for a reason, it's when I feel this sudden kick in my abdomin that I'm reminded...oh yeah, someone else is there.

Without trying to be sacreligious, it's the closest physical resemblance to having the Holy Spirit living within me. We know the Holy Spirit abides in the life of a believer who has confessed Jesus as Lord and Saviour. However, there are few times that we feel an actual physical kick in our gut to remind us that He is there and present. Yet He is. I'm thankful we have spiritual 'nudges' and sometimes even 'quickenings' in our hearts that tell us that God is trying to get our attention. The longer we have been aware of the Holy Spirit's presence, we begin to recognize how He communicates to us, and we stop mistaking it, in a way similar to first trimester 'butterflies'. But what if we made the effort to continually be aware of the Spirit's life within us? What if we carried within us not just a feeling, but the knowing that the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in us? What if we responded to the growing knowledge of His presence in our lives? What could we accomplish then, even though extreme?

I get really busy doing my job which is all for Jesus anyway, and I almost need that physical nudge to remind me to stop doing things in my own strength. We have the greatest resource available to us as believers that brings us life, strength, focus, encouragement, and sometimes simple and pure joy-like the promise of new life coming.

God, thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit living within me.
Thank you, not only for the new life that is living within me, but the Life that is within me because of your Son Jesus' sacrifice.

Help me to embrace new life today.

The Entrusted Ones

Once in a while I'm reminded in an almost whisper, of the sacred privilege we are given by God to be a part of His purposes. Afterall, we are only mortal clay who have been put on this earth for a short time, with all our flaws and all our inconsistencies. Yet God himself chooses to partner with us, for both His pleasure and our own.

Alright, before I get into the "woe is me" and the "I am but a worm" speech...let me remind all of us of the confidence that comes when we embrace the truth about our identity in Christ. We are mortal clay. But we are mortal clay that God himself by divine design decided to breath life into, and to make us in His image.

From the very beginning God made us to be his entrusted ones. Entrusted with the very plans and purposes of God.

This past week was probably one of the most difficult ones for me as a children's pastor. On Thursday, I lit a candle of hope for an infant from our congregation, with prayers that his miraculous healing would bring him many more days. On the next Monday I spoke words of comfort to that young baby's family at his funeral, realizing his healing had come in a different way. It was in that moment I realized I had been entrusted. Entrusted not only with the good and happy times that my profession so often brings; but entrusted with the tough and difficult moments that sooner or later everyone faces. Sometimes we wonder how we would cope in the middle of a crisis, or in a situation we only hope to never endure. That's when the awesome Creator breathes life into us once again, and we find new strength where there wasn't before.

What has God entrusted you with? What part of the entrusting did you think he didn't consider when he called you to the place you are today? You are his entrusted one. You are strong enough for today. You are exactly who he made you to be, and he stills trusts you. Just lean on him.

Time to Just Breathe

My main purpose for writing in my blog tonight is because I haven't written anything in a long while! It's a reminder that I'm a good starter, and sometimes not a good finisher...in other words, I love to start a new idea, but get tired of it after a while. The fact I'm aware of this, helps me try and become more disciplined, and it works as a good excuse for all the unfinished books I have sitting on book shelves or in boxes.

Here's a freebee...latest half-read book that I'm loving (and may actually finish)is Donald Miller's book: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I may need to blog on that one when I'm finished, because it's so good.

Back to blogging. My other reason for blogging is because I have this enormous amount of free time on my hands this week. It's Christmas break. The office is closed, and my daughter is staying at my mom's for a couple of days. So I'm realizing that I have a lot of time to 'just breathe'.

Taking time to relax and reflect is both a privilege and an art in itself. Afterall, there are always a multitude of other things that we can fill up free time with, that don't involve the need to listen to our own thoughts and feelings, let alone God's voice in it all. The older I get, the more I cherish those moments of 'down time'. When I start looking through old photo albums, or chatting with distant friends, I'm reminded that life just...goes on. That whether we are dragging our heels, or reaching too far ahead, there is a present time we are living in that is demanding our attention. Over the noise of washing machines, the glare of computer screens, and the busy scurrying of little feet, and beeping of blackberries...the Creator of Life is calling me to 'just breathe' for a moment. He may not be saying anything profound, though just his sigh could move a mountain. But as I've had several moments today alone to say "What should I do next?", I find my spirit within me grateful. And the phrase "God is so good" has been spoken from my lips without effort or intention. God is good. He's in control. Although it's not perfect because of our humanity, He's still holding this planet in His strong hands, and somehow weaving His purposes in lives like yours and mine.

Just breathe.

It feels good, and I am blessed.

Would I Really Cut a Hole Through the Church Ceiling?

This past Sunday was exhilirating! We had a great Sunday in Children's Ministries. From listening to the preschoolers practice singing "Away in a Manger", to greeting a little girl we haven't seen in a long while, and having all the children greet her just as enthusiastically. It was a real "body of Christ" kind of day. We were all functioning in giftings and having each other's best interests at heart. Loved it!

The story that was being taught Sunday, is still stirring in my heart. It was about the paralytic man who was brought to Jesus on his mat, through the roof of the building Jesus was preaching in. The leader who was telling the story asked the children to imagine our pastor preaching upstairs in the sanctary, when suddenly a group of people start peeling back layers of the roof, cut through the ceiling and lower their sick friend on a stretcher with ropes. I found myself drifting into imagination land, as I pictured Pastor Matt suddenly being distracted by the sound of drills and skill saws above him, and sawdust annoying people as it falls in their hair as pieces of ceiling are torn open. I wondered if Jesus just kept on preaching. Or perhaps there was an awkward pause in the service, as two board members ( I mean disciples) were sent outside to see what was going on. I quickly concluded it would take a lot of determination to resort to cutting a hole through the ceiling just to get to Jesus.

As I sat there lost in the story, I asked myself "Would you do it?", "Would you cut a hole through the church ceiling to bring someone to Jesus?" As I looked at the little faces sitting around me, I quickly concluded. If it meant bringing one of these children needing Jesus, close to His presence...Yes, I would do it.

This blog is for all those who minister to children (children's pastors, volunteers, parents, teachers). No more apologizing for children's worship music blaring from the basement during the sermon. No more feeling sheepish about asking people to minister to children instead of ushering on Sunday morning. No more saying " I can't pray for that prayer request, in case it doesn't actually happen". No more needing to finish that days activity, instead of listening to a child explaining what Jesus has been telling them. No more holding a baby while on nursery duty, and missing the opportunity to pray over that baby the words of Christ. No more excuses about the number of carseats in your car versus the number of your children's friends you could bring on a Sunday morning.

What hole are you cutting in the ceiling in order to connect children with the life-changing presence of Jesus? What extend will you go to in order for that child, or your child to hear Jesus personally saying "Your sins are forgiven" and "Take up your mat and walk"? It's time to get determined about bringing others to Jesus. Life is overcrowded. Sometimes it takes more than just conventional methods. The fact is, the power of the Lord is present...sometimes, we just need to cut a hole through the ceiling.

Giving away "Presence"

This past weekend while at a leadership retreat, I was reminded about how essential it is to function out of the Lord's presence. We watched a great teaching video by Bill Johnson on the topic. Essentially what was being said is that the church was never intended to be known by its disciplines but rather its passion. That passion comes out of relationship with Christ. In the area of children's ministries, I likened it to not being known by our techniques and programs, but by the life-changing presence of Jesus shared with children. One of the statements that stood out to me was that "Presence is what we actually give away". Immediately I was reminded of a Sunday during my first year in children's ministry. I was walking up and down the hallways of the church basement in Barrie, kind of doing "my rounds", when a grandparent and their grandchild were having an interesting struggle. The grandparent kept saying, "that's Pastor Michelle, honey", and the little girl (who was maybe four), kept pulling away from her grandma and trying to run over to me. "I want Jesus!" she kept shouting. "There...Jesus!". I was a little stunned. I thought to myself...what I have I done to mess up this child to thinking that I am Jesus? Afterall, I hadn't been at the church that long. The grandmother slightly embarassed, said to me "She has been talking about seeing Jesus, since we left home this morning. When we got here and she saw you, she said you were Jesus!" I feel like I will never forget that moment. I remember feeling something stir in my spirit, as I thought to myself "I think she's really seeing Jesus". While giving the little girl the biggest hug possible, I'm sure I tried to clarify to her that my name is Pastor Michelle. Then she happily went into her classroom, while still staring a hole right through me, as if she was right afterall.
And here's the point...

I'm reminded again today that what's most critical to everything I do in ministry, in the name of Jesus...must be that people actually see Jesus in me. Not only do I want them to see Jesus, I want to actually share His presence simply because it's overflowing from who I am in Him.

I haven't been called "Jesus" since that moment in ministry. I also know that there has been no greater compliment since that experience. Remember the disciples, holding back children who were brought by their parents to Jesus? Jesus said "Let the little children come...for the kingdom of heaven belongs to these" (Matthew 19:14). The Bible then says Jesus placed His hands on them, before going on from that place. Each week we as children's ministry volunteers, staff, and parents, cross paths with a child who simply wants to be near Jesus. We are pretty good at letting the little children come...now let's allow the Saviour to touch them, as we give His presence away.

Christmas in October

Why is it as a children's pastor you feel a lot of the Christmas pressure so much earlier than everyone else? With the first signs of Christmas decorations at the dollar store, or the release of the latest Christmas Veggie Tales movie, come familiar carols ringing in your head. Next comes the memories of children throwing hay during manger scenes and crooked halos on cute little heads. It brings you warm fuzzies and a little bit of terror as you remember the long hours, the hair turning grey on your head, and the late nights programming lights to music. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE Christmas productions. Love them! They bring back fond memories of being a part of productions as a child. They help focus us on the meaning of the season. It's how we handle the process that can so easily take us far, far away from the true meaning of 'ministry' and 'Christmas' itself.

I was gearing myself up to the prospect of doing a 'Family production' this Christmas at our church. Then several events made me aware of the internal pressure we put on ourselves in children's ministries to live up to expectations at Christmas time. Sometimes it's expectations we put on ourselves. And sometimes it expectations from past traditions, or our own past accomplishments (trying to outdo the performance before). I don't actually need to 'prove' anything to myself any more. And it's changing the way I do everything in ministry. I still believe in excellence. I believe that the arts are an amazing opportunity to show Jesus to the world and that they help make Christmas...FEEL like Christmas. But in the bigger picture of things this year...I'm scaling it back. Not because we couldn't have snow falling on the stage (I might still do that actually), and not because having confetti canons wasn't a GREAT idea when we used them....but, because for this year, for our church, and for me as the person who is running 'the show', "less is more". What we will do will be intentional, held in the community, for the kids...but I won't be allowing it compete for a space on my trophy shelf of accomplishments for the kingdom. Afterall, the kingdom came in a dirty, unpolished stable, and the tune of angels rang clearer than any song choir mics can obtain.

Wow....I feel a burden released. I hear "Silent Night"being sung in my head right this minute.

All is calm.

All is bright.

Peace.

Weak in the knees

It never fails that it takes a crisis to suddenly step up your prayer life. I'm a person who believes whole hearted in the power of prayer. I have huge faith in God doing the impossible. I've seen too many miracles, and felt His presence too close to deny His sovereignty and love. I serve such an awesome God.

This past week I have cried more intercessory tears than I thought imaginable. I have sensed His peace and His holiness each time I've devoted any amount of time to speaking with Him. Why I don't spend this much time in prayer on a regular basis is beyond reasoning or excuse. This busy-ness of life thing, is selling us all short.

His Word says to draw near to God and he will draw near to you. The thing is...His nearness is making me weak in the knees. Literally when I go to stand up, I am worried my legs will give out underneath me! My knees are weak because I'm so dependent on Him for strength. Weak because He is so worthy and I am so not. Weak because I'm in love with, the One who first loved me. Weak because when I am weakest...He is strong.